Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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