his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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