Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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