I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Can Purell be used as lube?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize