he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
