butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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