yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Randomize
