Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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