i think my tv is drunk
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
