While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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