i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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