I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
