You can't motorboat a personality
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
