Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
