I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
