How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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