I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
