I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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