Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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