3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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