Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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