Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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