i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
