girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
