it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have tasted many bathrooms
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
