Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My brain says no but my pants say off.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
