So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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