I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
