the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
They have beer where we have blood.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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