o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
