so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
