I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
