the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
where are my eyebrows?
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