Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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