the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
