last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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