All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
