after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
