Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize