Welp...herpes.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
