The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
