A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
