two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
