I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I am naked and annoyed.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
