Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
