I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
