I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
