it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
