Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
