sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
