guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The struggles of a small town man whore
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
