It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
