how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
