Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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