if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Say something about gay babies.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
