im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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