so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
