Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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