week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize