My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
