It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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