I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
