I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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