You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize