Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
