Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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