Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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