I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
