I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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