i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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